Table manners
How to eat in company without making people uncomfortable. European cutlery hold, the napkin, bread, soup, and when to speak.
Most people know the basics but have never had them laid out clearly. Table manners are not about impressing anyone. They are about making everyone at the table comfortable, including yourself.
Before you sit
Wait for the host to indicate where to sit. If you arrive at a table before others, stand until they are seated. Unfold your napkin onto your lap as soon as you sit. Do not tuck it into your collar.
Don't start until everyone is served
Wait until all guests have food in front of them before picking up your fork. If you are the host, signal that others can start once enough people have been served. Watching your food go cold while waiting is the right thing to do.
How to hold your cutlery
Fork in the left hand, knife in the right. Do not swap them. Hold the fork with tines pointing down, not scooping up. Between bites, rest the knife and fork crossed on the plate. When you have finished, place them together at the six o'clock position pointing slightly upper-left. This signals to whoever is serving that your plate can be cleared.
Bread
Tear bread, do not cut it. Butter only the piece you are about to eat, not the whole slice. The bread plate is on your left, the water glass on your right. If you forget which is yours, make a small circle with thumb and index finger on each hand: the left hand makes a lowercase 'b' (bread), the right makes a lowercase 'd' (drink).
Soup
Spoon away from yourself, not towards you. Do not slurp. If you need to get the last of it, tilt the bowl away from you. Set the spoon on the plate underneath between sips, not resting in the bowl.
At the table
Elbows on the table are acceptable between courses, not while eating. Keep your phone in your pocket. If you must check it for a genuine emergency, excuse yourself and step away. Ask questions, listen properly, and include anyone who has gone quiet.
When you leave
Leave your napkin loosely folded to the left of your plate. Do not refold it neatly, as this implies it was not used. At smaller, informal gatherings, offer to help clear. Compliment the food if it was good. A specific compliment is worth more than a general one.